Airing Dirty Laundry & Family
Tonight I talked to J about something that has been weighing on me for weeks now. Its one of those issues that has no resolution, it just sucks. I feel better though. I needed to get it out.
My siblings are coming this week. My sister gets here tomorrow night, my youngest brother Friday afternoon, and my other brother and his wife on Saturday morning. This is the first time we will be together without our parents in forever, as in it has never happened before this weekend.
Also I realized I have not posted any pictures of Rory on this site. Although since I never post, I don't think anyone actually ever reads it anymore. If anyone is out there, below is our
Flickr page where we upload Rory pictures every week or so.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/8357434@N08/
A Completely Ordinary Day
Today was ordinary. I went to the see 1408 with Lance. It was a good movie, not scary, but sufficiently creepy to be worthwhile. Then I picked up Matt, we got some lunch/dinner and went to my house to hang out and watch movies with Nathan. Later Matt and I went and picked up ice cream. After movies, I drove Matt home. Sure doing this much socializing is odd for me these days since Rory joined the clan but all in all it was an ordinary day.
On the way home from my ordinary day, I started to cry. I couldn't help it, it was Sunday, it was girl's day, it was not an ordinary day. But it was an ordinary day, and that was sad, because Sundays are never supposed to be ordinary. They are now though, there is no more girl's day. I am short another girl - not any girl, Aurora. I'm short Aurora. So I cried. I cried becuase there will never be another Sunday girl's day. I cried because Aurora will never meet Rory and Rory will never have Aunt Aurora. I cried because I have been going through so much stuff and I have no one to talk to about it all. Mostly I cried becuase I realized that since Aurora has been gone, most days have just been ordinary. And as strange as it seems, all of a sudden I stopped crying. I started thinking about my daughter, about how happy she makes me every minute of every day, and I realized that she could save the world from ordinary. She could one day sing horribly off key, lick people's elbows, and make everyone smile and laugh around her. She could be the perfect companion for eating out, and for watching any movie, but most of all she too could be extraordinary.
That's when something extraordinary happened,
Total Eclipse of the Heart came on the radio. I started to sing, not my normal, somewhat quiet, attempting to be in tune singing, but loud, horribly and purposely out of key singing, where you use your hand to hold up a make believe microphone and just completely belt out every word as loud as you can. I looked over and realized people in cars passing me were staring at me and I didn't care. One day I will do this with my daughter. I will lean over and I will put my head on her shoulder or hold her arm and I will start singing to her, and when she looks at me she will laugh and join in. How do I know? Because she too will be extraordinary. How could she not be? She is after all Aurora Fae Pulley.
I know I haven't posted in forever. In some ways that may be good, maybe no one is checking it anymore and I won't have to worry about what not to post. OK that was just to make some people feel better - I never worry about what to post. It's not like I have any kind of internal filter.
Let's see what to write about...
I am still pregnant although I only have about 4 more weeks left. Most of you already know we are having a girl. We are naming her Aurora Corinne, but she will go by Rory. Her room is no where near complete. In fact, we don't even have her crib here yet!
I did not pass the bar the first time. I took it again in February and I will get the results next Wednesday. If for some reason I don't pass this time, I will not be taking it in Nevada again - its just getting too expensive. I would rather spend $200 somewhere else with an 85% pass rate than $700 here with a 55% pass rate. Besides Nathan and I have been talking about moving for awhile.
Nathan is graduating from UNLV next month and has applied to graduate school for Clinical Psychology. We will not find out whether he got in until late April, early May. He only applied to three schools - two are in Baltimore, Maryland and one is in Washington, D.C.
I am currently only working part time while I wait for this child to pop out. I work for a company called Timet that is in Henderson and Melissa is once again my boss. I love being able to see her 4 days a week. I missed working with her.
I was just reading over all my past posts and there was one about all my past friends from past places and I have to say I messed up on listing friends from Florida. Although Kristine was only there for my first year in Florida, she was a very close friend. And out of all the places I have lived, the only friend I have continued to stay in touch with far after moving away. In fact I was just in Houston in October visiting her and she was just here in Vegas a few weeks ago. Sorry, Kristine I didn't mean to forget you, I guess I just don't associate you with Florida specifically since we have remained friends for over 10 years now!
I think that is all I have for now. I am trying to get some work done on thepulleyfamily.com, so we can use it to post pictures and I can use it to talk about the baby! We will see if I get anywhere with it.
Nothing too terribly exciting here
Nathan and I went to the doctor about a week ago and saw our baby and heard its heartbeat. The experience was simply amazing. The doctor said I was 7 weeks and 6 days along, making my estimated due date May 19, 2007. I go back the 1st of November and I am fairly certain I get another ultrasound then. While it may be possible to ascertain the sex of the baby then, it is more likely we won't know for sure until the 17th week. The doctor also said that everything is going well and all my hormone levels are perfect.
I am leaving for Houston tomorrow to visit my friend Kristine for the weekend. I get back on Monday, find out if I passed the bar on Tuesday, and leave for Greensboro for a week on Wednesday night. I will be visiting my family in Greensboro for a week and going to Michelle's baby shower.
For those of you who haven't heard, I'm not working at the moment. It's a long story and not something I want to go into on here. I am going to start looking for a new job once I find out whether I passed the bar or not.
Like I said nothing too terribly exciting here...
A New Pulley...
For those of you who haven't heard, I am pregnant. I found out on Tuesday morning, and my blood work from Wednesday has already come back and everything looks great. I have my first official doctor's appointment on October 9th, so I should have pictures of the little spec by then. We are keeping our fingers crossed that it will only be one little spec, since I have been on fertility drugs for the last three months.
My tentative due date for the newest Pulley is May 17, 2007.
I would like to say that I am going to post more often now with updates, but it probably won't happen. Most likely I will be too busy being my normally neurotic planning self.
It's been awhile...
I know I haven't posted in a long time. I just don't have much to say. I want to use this as a journal to talk about everything that goes in my brain - unfortunately my brain as well as everything else floating around up there, is still just very sad. Not to mention, since I started all this medication, my hormones have been crazily out of balance.
I am almost done with my nightly bar review lectures. Then I have two different full day classes that last 3-4 days. I have been trying really hard to spend every spare minute studying but its very hard, my brain is sleepy too.
I wonder what I am going to do when I have nothing to study for and I am just sitting around waiting for the results of my bar exam. Maybe I will figure out what everyone else means by having a life...
I don't have to talk to myself anymore...
When I am alone in the car now, I talk to Aurora. It's really not as crazy as it sounds. But I am sure that the people driving around me wonder why I am talking and no one is there.
We went out to Carluccio's tomight for dinner for my birthday. It was a pretty big group, and it was fun, but I was sad too. MattMatt did a great job planning - he got 14 of my friends and family to dinner on a few hours notice. Afterwards we went to Champagne Cafe and had a couple of drinks. Nathan and I are going out in the morning when he gets home from work.
I finished writing both papers and all of my classes are done. I have one final - a week from Monday and then I am officially done with law school. Words cannot even express my excitement. Of course it won't last long - I have bar prep starting soon after.
I missed Aurora ALOT today. We were so excited for me to be done with school so we could spend more time together. It seems like just when I think its getting a little less horrible than the day before, something knocks the wind out of me and I just get sad and want to curl up and cry.
Thank you to everyone who came to my birthday celebration - it meant alot to me to be surrrounded by friends.
Just an update...
Since I am trying to update more often, I thought I would update on the fact that I won't be able to update for the next week or so very regularly. Here is my update:
- I have a presentation for my intellectual property class on protecting the traditional knowledge of the indigenous people of the United States on Monday.
- I have to do a presentation for my employment law class on determining what constitutes a major life activity for purposes of the Americans with Disabilities Act on Tuesday.
- I have to finish my final draft of each of the above papers by Friday.
- Brian is in town visiting.
- My birthday is this weekend - and I am hoping to get to California to visit my dad and take a trip to Ikea.
- I have a final in one of my employment law classes on May 8th.
- My entire family is coming into town on May 11th for my graduation.
- I still have not purchased my cap, gown, and hood (yes I am going to be hooded!).
- Becki told me last night that Aurora never did ask that girl at Melting Pot whether she was going to sleep with the annoying guy.
- I had Indian food last night and Original House of Pancakes this morning. It was a weekend filled with Aurora tested and approved food.
- I saw Silent Hill today and it was neither scary or remotely good - in fact I should have used the time to sleep like Brian.
- My last day of law school classes EVER is on Tuesday.
- My last final for law school EVER is May 8th.
- I am so incredibly excited about graduating.
- I am dreading my birthday because I will not be celebrating it with Aurora.
- I am glad that out of all of this, April and I have started to become closer.
and finally, a very large thank you to all of my family and friends who have been so incredibly supportive and kept me busy and laughing.
Good night everyone!
Love you Aurora...
It came to me on the way to work this morning...
This morning on the way to work I was thinking about calling Becki to see if she wanted to hang out and I remembered a VERY funny Aurora story. Becki, Aurora, and I went to The Melting Pot for dinner and since we didn't make reservations, we sat in the bar area to eat. There was a couple at the next table that appeared to be on their first date and the guy was really annoying. As the guy drank more he got even more annoying. It seemed apparent to everyone except the girl with him that he assumed that because he spent money on dinner and drinks that he was getting laid that night. Having to listen to this guy all night, we all agreed he really had no redeeming qualities - personally or physically. As well as being drunk, he was so loud it was like he was at the table with us.
Becki, Aurora, and I are commenting on the fact that this guy does not deserve to get laid, and we are very curious as to whether this girl is falling for his crap. So the guy goes to the bathroom and we come up with a plan. We tell Aurora if she asks the girl if she is going to sleep with the guy, we will pay for her movie. Becki and I walk outside and Aurora leans over to the girl, asks her how her dinner was and starts up a conversation with her. The girl confirms they are on a first date and offers the fact that she thinks the guy is interesting and funny, and very nice. Aurora asks her, "So are you going to have sex with him then?" Apparently the girl looked confused and couldn't quite say anything, but if memory serves I think she told Aurora that she wasn't sure and it wasn't her business. Aurora practically ran out of the restaurant to relay the story and we laughed so hard we couldn't breathe.
She saved my world alot, part 1 of many...
Aurora's service has come and gone. Yesterday I went to see her. I can't describe in words the absolute pain I felt when the fact she was gone slapped me in the face in the viewing room. I want to be able to go into so much more detail, but I don't know how to put everything I am feeling into words. I'm glad I went, I needed the closure and the time alone with her.
Someone told me that everything would get easier once we had the service and had some closure. That person lied. It gets harder. We kept busy planning the service. We were surrounded by our family and friends. Then Tuesday came, and all we had left is the overwhelming feeling that Aurora is gone. Then we have to figure out how to go on with our life knowing that. If only the world would stop for all of us while we mourn the loss of our friend, our sister, our best friend, our daughter, our cousin, our niece.
I went back to work yesterday after seeing Aurora. Everyone at my job has been wonderful, they are more than just my colleagues, every single one of them truly cares about every other person who works there. It is an amazing feeling. There was not a single person who hasn't done everything they possibly can to at least try to keep my mind off of things so the day will pass quicker.
I'm back in school as well. That is not as easy. It's hard to focus. My mind wanders off to thinking about Aurora. So far tonight though I have only had to leave class once.
I probably will be posting more often now. I have alot to work through. I also want to try to post memories of Aurora as they come to me. There are so many I have from the past 5 years I have known her. I am so thankful that she was there with Nathan and I when we got married, and I am so glad that even for a brief time I was able to call her my sister officially, even though we acted like sisters so long before it was official.
Aurora and I drove to California so she could see a specialist for the tumor in her finger, and we got to UCLA really early so we decided to get breakfast. We found this cute looking cafe just down the street from the hospital and began looking for a parking spot. We found one on the street just behind the resturant. We both read the sign next to the parking space out loud, it read:
NO PARKING
Fridays
8:00 a.m. - 10 a.m.
for street cleaning
Violators will be fined or towed.
We got out of the car, walked around the corner to the restaurant and had a great breakfast. When we finished and walked back to the car, there was a ticket on my windshield. We immediately got really mad, we were ranting about the unfairness, reading the sign out loud again. I opened the ticket and it said "parking violation" and noted "parking during restricted time." Aurora and I both looked up at the sign again, and at the same time, looked back at each other, and said, "IT'S FRIDAY!"
